What I Wish I Knew About Rejection
Wednesday, May 23, 2012 I was so excited when Ashley of Your Super Awesome Life reached out and asked me to be a part of her What I Wish I Knew series in which amazing women (including yours truly!) share what we wished we'd known back in our teens.
Of course I said yes to this opportunity and am writing today about what I wish I'd know about rejection. Oh my, there's so much to tell...
Image via TaradaraWhen I think about rejection when I was your age, I go back to my freshman year of college. Shortly after arriving and getting settled in my dorm, I met a boy at a party: Adam. Oh, dreamy Adam.
We hit it off. We made out. I was smitten.
After meeting Adam, I proceeded to spend so much time trying so hard - so so hard - trying to get him to like me. If only he'd realize how (pretty/smart/funny/sexy) I was, he'd be smitten too.
Dear lord, y'all, I tried so hard. *Shocker* it didn't work. After a while, Adam made it clear that he wasn't interested in me and proceeded to fall for a girl who lived in the dorm next door. A girl who'd just been herself the whole time.
Ironically, my quest to not being rejected led to my being rejected. Because I was Trying. And what matters/gets the boy/lets you shine isn't how hard you try, it's how true you are, how you show up in this world.
It's the being, not the doing, that counts.
What I wish I'd known was that rejection doesn't matter. We are all rejected and accepted every day, all the time. We spend so much time avoiding rejection that we forget to really live and truly BE.
The BEING is where the magic is. It's what makes us our most amazing selves. It's what makes us shine.
What I wish I'd known is that someday there is a person, many persons actually, who will love me (ALL OF ME!) for every piece of my being: the good, the bad, and the crazy.
If you're there, back in that if only he'd like me place, have faith that your day will come too. Whether you find your faith in a book, in the Bible, in your mom, or in the comfort of that good friend, trust it.
Trust that you will get there, to that place where you show up every day as your most beautiful self and say "Fuck 'em all" to the ones who don't want a piece of your sparkle.
And you will shine one, oh sweet one, you will shine on, like the bright, crazy diamond that you are. And the ones who are smart enough to stick around will be blinded by your light.
Trust that.
Reader Comments (5)
Wow Tiffany, you nailed it with this one. I can't even count how many times I "tried" my way out of a relationship. This is great advice for women of all ages, and I'm glad to have the reminder again today! Beautiful post!
I really like this article. What I find especial touching is the line “It’s the Being, not the doing that counts". Truer words were never spoken. I'm also a life coach, and I encourage my clients to be themselves. I think you’re doing great work. Good luck with your practice!
Very true. If you don't have enough confidence to be yourself, why should anyone have confidence in you?
I especially like this part:
"Trust that you will get there, to that place where you show up every day as your most beautiful self and say "Fuck 'em all" to the ones who don't want a piece of your sparkle."
This is how I got my wife. I was confident, funny if a bit off colour, and was proud of my accomplishments even though I was broke, not exactly handsome, and didn't speak her language. It took 28 years to reach that place of confidence, but it worked eventually.
I found it surprising that you wrote: "It's the being, not the doing, that counts," since it seems somewhat counter to your general philosophy of get-up-and-go, but I wholly agree with the general sentiment here, which is that it's only important to prove things to yourself, not to anyone else, because the only people really worth having in your life are those who appreciate you as you already are.
Amen,sister!