wednesday's inspiration

 I'm taking a creative writing class this semester. It's for short stories. I should have anywhere from 1-3 short stories finished by December. Right now, that seems so very daunting to me! But, it's so far, so good and I'm really enjoying the writing process. Who knows, perhaps I'll even share some of my stuff with you (if you're lucky!).

One of the things that I really like about the class is that our professor reads a lot of short stories to us during class time. I find that hearing things out loud tends to lend a different feel.

He read "Get Drunk" by Charles Baudelaire on the first night of class. I think it's a beautiful piece of work and am so inspired by it that I thought I'd share it with all of you:

One should always be drunk. That's all that matters;
that's our one imperative need. So as not
to feel Time's horrible burden
one which breaks your shoulders and bows

you down, you must get drunk without cease.

But with what?
With wine, poetry, or virtue
as you choose.
But get drunk.

 And if, at some time, on steps of a palace,
in the green grass of a ditch,
in the bleak solitude of your room,
you are waking and the drunkenness has
already abated,
ask the wind, the wave, the stars, the
clock,
all that which flees,
all that which groans,
all that which rolls,
all that which sings,
all that which speaks,
ask them, what time it is;
and the wind, the wave, the stars, the
birds, and the clock,
they will all reply:

"It is time to get drunk!

So that you may not be the martyred slaves of Time,
get drunk, get drunk,
and never pause for rest!
With wine, poetry, or virtue,
as you choose!"

While I don't think that everyone should stay drunk on wine at all times, I do find the order to "get drunk" to be incredibly inspiring. If only, we could find the joyful abandon that is getting drunk in all that we do. In writing, in loving, in laughing.

So I ask you: is there anything in your life that makes you drunk? And I urge you: if yes, hold onto that and celebrate it...if no, find it! You will be so happy that you did!

Repeat after me

I'll figure it out. Let's all say it together: "I'll figure it out."

Illuminated Mind had a post recently about changing your internal dialogue, about shifting your thoughts so that instead of answering every question with "I don't know" you answer with "I'll figure it out."

I’ve taken this advice to heart as I start down my new path, both internally
and with other people.  As I think about
my plans, it’s easy to stress myself out with everything I don’t know. But when
I think of everything that I get to figure out (oh! the freedom!), it’s
inspiring, energizing.

And when I talk to friends about my future, everyone has questions. The most
common one seems to be “What’s your plan?” I always used to answer, “I don’t
know.” This answer didn’t put anyone at ease, especially not me.

People like plans. I like plans. I like knowing what’s going to happen. What
I’ve learned is that what’s going to happen is that I’m going to figure it out.
And, that’s what I’ve slowly been doing – figuring it out. I hope to have at
least enough figured out winter’s end to be able to leave my desk job. I have
faith in myself to know that I can do this. I trust myself enough to know that
I will figure it out.  

Finding the trust in yourself if hard, but it’s so important to hold onto that.
It’s crucial to know, not think, but know, that you can do things for yourself.
That you can be happy. That you can have a job that brings you joy. I know I
write about this a lot – I think it’s so important to find that trust.

The first step in finding that trust is saying, “I’ll figure it out.”

this is lovely

We came across this bicycle on Sunday while walking to the Outside Lands Festival.

I thought it was really lovely. Tim noticed that the bike appears to have been hit by something and is now pretty rusted. It's also chained to the house, which I thought was a nice touch in San Francisco.

But, it's such a happy, pretty statement. A bike covered in flowers sitting outside in the driveway on a residential street. I think it brings some sunshine into our foggy San Francisco summer days.

More Outside Lands news will be coming. It was an awesome time, filled with fun people and amazing music. I have lots to write about this week -- so stay tuned!!

friday's confession

I like Britney Spears.  That's right -- I'm a fan. Not a ohmygod... her-new-album-came-out-and-I-have-to-get-it-now kind of fan. But I do like her music. I have a couple of albums, and they're good. Poppy, fun to listen to. I even have a Pandora station based around her music. I listen to it at work sometimes when I need an energy boost. I think it's good stuff. And, I'm not afraid to admit it.

When I was younger (isn't it always a little hard to hear a still-young person say that?), I owned my Britney fandom. When people made fun of her music, I always stood up for her and said, "hey, it's not so bad. I listen to her a lot." Later, my friend Nicole told me that she really respected that about me when she first met me. She said that was something she noticed right away, that I liked Britney Spears and did see anything wrong with it. In fact, I readily announced it.

Shortly after meeting Nicole, I started dating a guy who decidedly did not like Britney Spears. He, in fact, hated most things poppy. And, I slowly stopped liking Britney Spears, or at least admitting it openly and freely.

Years later, after the relationship had ended and I was slowly trying to find myself again, I realized how much of myself I had given up. How I had pushed aside things I liked because I let someone else's opinions overshadow my own. And, I recalled Nicole saying how much she admired that I owned my appreciation of Britney's music. And was unapologetic about it. I wasn't ashamed to admit that I actually enjoyed something that others might scoff at.

This is why I'm always telling people to "own it." It's easy to lose confidence in our own feelings and opinions when others don't agree with us and validate us. It's easy to let other people's values and preferences overshadow our own. But, it's so important to hang on that for yourself. To be your own person. No matter what, no matter how many people think you're lame or out of touch or have no taste in music.

So, there you go. I like Britney Spears. And, I was an 'N Sync fan before Justin Timberlake became the yummy man specimen that he is today. So what?

Photo by Xurble

these make me happy

I just saw these prints on Creature Comforts from Jess Gonacha's etsy shop and I love them! I ran across them a few weeks ago via blogland but had forgotten about how much I liked them.

They make me smile. They also want me to get out my Gocco and get to work!

Have you seen anything today that has made you smile?

rollin' rollin' rollin'

Hi everyone! I'm back! Yes, I suppose you didn't recognize me with all of my newfound character that comes with making a difficult decision. But, you can rest assured, it's still me!

Sorry for the lack of a post yesterday. I'm sure you were all waiting at your computers with bated breath: "It's Monday. She said she was making a decision on Monday. But, why hasn't she told us what it is yet?!?!?" Things were just a little bit busy, but now I'm back (whoo hoo!), and I have some news:

I quit my job. BUT I'm not leaving for six months.

So, I did let them know I was leaving. But, in the meantime, I'm getting a promotion and have agreed to stay for six more months.

This was not my original plan. My original plan was to leave by the end of October, travel in November and December and then start my "somethingnew" at the first of the year. I had given myself a deadline: You will quit your job by November. I always make my deadlines. That's how I roll, something I'm proud of. I stick to my word.

"Hmmm...somethingnew...that sounds nice, what exactly were you thinking of doing, Tiffany?" Um, yeah. That's where the plans sort of hit their wall. And, that's why I'm taking this time to sort those things out.

{By the way, do you like that I have pretend conversations with you, dear blog readers? I thought so!}

And, in the beginning, I was hesitant to change my plans. Remember that whole stubborn thing? It was very present during all of this. But then I realized that I need to consider this an opportunity, not a road block. I've been given an opportunity to save some money for six months and then be in a really good position to figure out my plan. AND, everything is out in the open. Work knows what I'm doing. They support it (well, not my leaving, but my finding-my-true-path journey). And that feels good.

As I went through the decision-making process, I realized that I didn't miss my deadline. I actually did quit my job before November. I stayed true to that. I just am staying a bit longer than I originally thought. And that's okay.

So, do you see this ball? You see what it's doing?

That's right! It's rolling! And it may be rolling slowly now, but really, there's no stopping it. The process has begun. The journey has started.  And it feels good.

So, let me ask you, dear blog readers: are there any journeys you need to start? Any plans you've been thinking about making for alongtimenow that you keep not making? What steps can you take right now, today, to get that ball rolling? They don't have to be drastic, extreme measures. They can be as small as opening a savings account online and setting up an automatic $10/week transfer. Or signing up for a painting class at your local community college. Or actually going for a walk in your neighborhood tonight instead of watching tv (well - ok, so maybe you should wait until the Olympics are over before you start the evening walk ritual). But, whatever they are, act with intention. If there's a path you see for yourself that you aren't on, start making active decisions to get yourself onto that path. They don't have to be huge, but if you put your energies toward that path, things will start changing for you. Perhaps even before you know it's actually happening.

Photo credit: The Jamoker

friday's confession

{Be careful for this one. Are you ready? I don't want you falling out of your chair in shock.}

I'm stubborn. And I don't like change. 

Whoa! Big confession, I know!

Sometimes I'm surprised at just how stubborn I can be, but at least I own it. But owning it doesn't really make it go away or make it less likely to affect things.

The question of the moment is: when I am hesitant to change my plans, how do I know if it's stubbornness or just my instinct saying not to change? 

Remember this? Why, yes, you are correct, that was yesterday. Why, yes, things have changed that quickly. Why, yes, my stubborn self IS struggling with this! Things haven't changed, more shifted. Perhaps for the better?

Now, I'm reevaluating. And reconsidering. And trying to figure out a short-term solution. Yes, things are going to be changing. It's not a matter of if, but of when. It's happening. That ball's in motion and isn't likely to stop. I'm in a position now to make myself more prepared for what's coming. More financially ready. In a safer spot.

Someone's got some thinking to do. And that someone is me. I have to remain flexible while staying true to myself. I have do make decisions with my head but make sure that I'm also listening to my heart. I suppose these are the decisions that build character -- the ones that aren't easy to make.

Look out y'all -- come Monday, I'm going to have A LOT of character!

Photo credit: jpockele

what inspires you?

I'm in the process of making a decision that some would deem unwise, but that I deem fabulous! It involves a pretty significant life change and is SCARY. Really scary! And, it's starting to be that time where I have to actually start doing rather than just thinking about doing.

So, I'm sure you can imagine how thrilled I was when I opened my email this morning and was greeted by an article from The Change Blog titled, Getting Back on the Right Life Path.  Wow! This perfectly sums up what I've been thinking and feeling for the past year and my reasons behind wanting to make changes in my life. Is it a sign? I think that if I say it's a sign, it's a sign.

One of the changes I'd like to make is to be able to make a living doing something creative. Finding a way to be inspired by my career. But, all I know is sitting at a desk, and that's what I'm good at.

As I continued through my email this morning, I found this little ditty in my horoscope from Astrocenter.com: You have the habit of turning your back on your skills in drawing,
photography and writing, but they are inside you nonetheless. People
will be expecting more of you! All you have to do is get out a brush or
a pen and you'll be on your way! Um, what the heck?!?!

THEN, I checked my elle magazine horoscope for the day (best horoscope ever!) and it had this to say: You're not reaching for an impossible dream...you already have the keys to a better future, minus needless stress and deadening worries. Wait, what? Really? You mean to tell me, Elle magazine, that it's possible to have a career that brings you joy? Good to know.

Somehow, I get the feeling that if I consulted a Magic 8 Ball right now, my answer would be "all signs point to yes." That makes me happy. And gives me confidence in the choices I'm about to make.

So, what inspires you in your life? Are there sources you look to for guidance when trying to make a decision? Are you ever surprised by your source of inspiration?

Photo credit: The Green Light by Ted Percival