21 things you don't know about me.

1. I desperately need to go buy a couple pairs of jeans as all of mine have recently gotten holes in them. I’ve gained some weight (about 15 pounds) in the last year and I’m DREADING going shopping for them.

2. I hate that I’ve gained weight, and I hate that it’s snuck up on me without even noticing.

3. This seems like a symptom of a bigger problem: that I need to be present and make the time to take care of myself. That I need to make taking care of myself a priority. No matter what.

4. No matter what is a hard thing to explain to people that you are accountable to.

5. When I was trying on wedding gowns, the alterations person asked, “Is your body going to change before the wedding?” I said no, but I so desperately wanted to say yes.

6. Throughout my life, my body has had its happy weight. When I look back on times I’ve gained weight (one in particular when I gained ~45 pounds), I realize that it’s been when something has been off.

7. This last year has been hard with balancing my coaching biz, relationship with Tim, and the creation and sustaining of Teahouse.

8. I don’t know what Teahouse will be a year from now or if I’ll be a part of it. This is scary to put in writing. Really scary.

9. I'd like to say I'm certain it will be there, but I know that nothing is certain. And that I'm open to whatever comes, whatever it may be.

10.  Despite all of this, I really am happy, and know that amazing things are going to happen in my life. And that amazing things are happening now. I. Am. So. Grateful.

11.  I also look back in amazement at how far I’ve come and know that I am living my dreams.

12.  Sometimes, when you’re in it, living your dreams feels like really hard work.

13.  But it’s always worth it in the end. Always.

14.  I’ve had to accept, though, that during these times, it’s okay to be ready-for-bed tired at 9pm.

15.  And it’s okay to then go to bed at 9pm.

16.  It’s also okay to say no.

17.  A lot.

18.  And sometimes it’s okay to say yes.

19.  YES. Yes to the boy. Yes to the biz. Yes to the life.

20.  Because, it's true: living all in is scary.

21.  And for some of us, it’s the only way to be.

(A big shout out and thank you to Rachael Maddox for inspiring this post.)