Are you the type of person who enjoys making plans more than actually doing the thing for which plans were made? Do you ever revel in the joy of something that is yet-to-happen only to find yourself slightly disappointed when said thing is over, because there's no longer any anticipation to look forward to?
I'm definitely this way when it comes to holidays and especially birthdays. I hate opening all my presents at once. It feels like once the presents are done, there's nothing left to look forward to.
I've recently been concerned that this is beginning to be the case in my quest to find my new purpose, in anticipation of leaving my day job at the end of February. I wonder if I'm more fascinated by the idea of finding out my what next step is rather than actually putting the work into finding it. What else could explain why the answer to everyone's favorite question ("What are you going to do next?") is still a bold, "I don't know, but I'm going to figure it out."
At what point does one stop talking about figuring it out and actually start doing so?
The time is now. It's time. Yes, the day job has been kicking my butt. Hard. And yes, Tim was getting ready to head back to Colorado for the winter and I wanted to spend as much time with him as I could. And yes, I've had a whole pile of other things on my plate, including getting sick, travel, getting sick again, and more travel. Unfortunately, there wasn't a lot of room left on the plate for me and my plans. Time to myself, for myself to figure stuff out.
That time is now. That time is here, and I'm embracing it. Work is still kicking my ass, but the light at the end of the tunnel is near. Now that Tim's gone, I spend time missing him and talking to him and keeping in touch with him. All of that is still present. But at the same time, I am taking this opportunity to make myself a priority. To put some time and effort into what I want out of my life, for myself. Not for my work, or my friends, or my partner, or my family. Me. It's all about me right now.
Ain't that grand?
So, universe, if you're listening, look out! I may not find all the answers right away. I might actually never find all the answers. But, I'm catchin' what you're pitchin' and I'm paying attention. Choices are going to start being weighed. Decisions are going to start being made.
And, it's comforting to be here, in my position. Because I know I'll win. Whatever this game is that I'm playing, it's happening. And it's on.