friday's confession

I'm afraid.

Maybe saying I'm afraid isn't right. Maybe I should say, I have fears. And insecurities. And things that hold me back -- things that are internal, brought on by myself. I have come to realize that in my life, I'm my biggest roadblock?

About a year ago, I decided that I would not live my life in response to fear. I would not avoid situations because I was afraid of what would happen. I've written about this before, in terms of being the first one to say the big "I love you." {That's always scary, right?!?!}

In my life, every "scary" thing that I've ever done has ended up being one of the most worthwhile life-changing experiences ever. Every. Single. One.

And now I'm at a place where I have ultimate freedom to decide my next steps. I can go any direction I want, do anything at all. I can make that life happen for myself, that one I've always dreamed of.

And I'm almost paralyzed, because taking that step, actually starting to live the life you've always dreamed of for yourself is a REALLY BIG DEAL. HUGE. And what if it doesn't work? What if I can't hack it? What if no one likes what I create? Whatifwhatifwhatifwhatif? My list could go on and on.

I saw this earlier this week on Brown Button:

Fear of unknown

So perfect and sweet and simple.  What if, instead of just sitting and worrying and thinking about all the possible outcomes of my actions, and not doing, what if instead of all that I just thought, "hmm, I wounder how this would turn out?" and then took the steps to find out, to satisfy my own curiosity.


What if I took the power away from the fear and just felt curious instead? What kind of doors would will this open up for me?

A couple of days ago, Essential E asked what are you afraid of and asked people to leave anonymous comments with their fears. No pressure, it's all anon. Here's what I said:


I'm afraid of looking back on my life and being so angry with myself for not trying or doing or making magic for myself.


I'm afraid of taking that first step toward trying and doing and making
magic for myself. Because what if I try with everything I have, but
it's just not enough?


So much for being anonymous, right? I really do believe that by giving my fears a voice, by expressing them, by sharing them with all of you, I will regain power over them. I will take control over that voice and I will own my life. This is my first step.


I'm going to be jumping into a whole-lotta new stuff in the coming weeks. I'm going to be trying things, putting myself out there, being vulnerable to a lot. And I'm curious. Curious to see how it all happens, curious to see how it comes together, curious to find out what the Universe has in store for me.

Do you have anything you'd like to share? Anon comments are of course welcome on this one -- or put it out there. Anything you're curious about?