friday's confession: I'm not realistic

I'm not realistic.

It's true. I have big dreams and big hopes and plans for my life that I can barely wrap my brain around. I want to travel and explore and adventure while also touching people, spreading my message, and connecting with folks who speak my same soul language.

I want to do all of this while being grounded and whole and honest. While being able to care deeply for the world while also caring deeply for myself. I want to approach every undertaking from a place of fierce compassion.

And I want it all to happen in a way that sustains me, financially, emotionally, mentally. Really sustaining and deeply nourishing from a place of truth.

But it's just not realistic. What's realistic is getting a job. Being told what to do. Living on other people's terms.

What's realistic is fitting the square peg of my life into the round hole of society's checklist for what I ought to do. College -- check. Job -- check. Marriage -- check. Home -- check. Family -- check.*

The problem with living in terms of a checklist, is what's left of life when all the squares have been checked off? What happens next, when, in your mid-thirties, you find yourself having followed all the rules but you have no idea of where to go next or who you truly are?

What happens when living and thinking realistically doesn't get you anywhere but stuck?

And how do you get out of it? And find yourself and your truth?

You start doing. Action will make anything realistic.

That life I described for myself above? It's true, currently, it's not realistic. But it will be one day. One day, after I've taken all my little baby steps, chosen choices that support my dreams, worked and lived hard all the time, for the sake of this dream I have? Then it will be real.

And I will have become realistic.

*For the record, I'm not against any of these things. What I take issue with is doing them for the sake of getting them done, not because they're what one truly wants.