I wanted to bake cookies for Tim's co-workers. I had it all planned out - which ones I was going to make, how I was going to package them up, if i was going to handwrite or print the tags. In my head, there was a perfect vision of how all of this was going to turn out.
Except I didn't do it.
I was also planning to write this post early, to get it ready to go by Thursday afternoon so that you could read it bright and early with your Friday morning coffee.
Except I didn't do it.
Instead, I took a long nap. And figured out my health insurance for 2014. And went to my birth prep class.
Side note: I suppose this confession could also be called, "I can't do it all." This is a lesson I keep learning over and over and over again.
This is the time of year when we all sit back and reflect on the past 12 months, see where we've been, what we've learned, and how far we've come. I'm looking forward to doing that as soon as I can find the time. Or make the time. I think that's more accurate.
Currently, I'm making time for my clients and my glitterbomb groups as I wrap up with all of them in preparation for my maternity leave. I'm making time to get our house ready for these two little beans that will be joining us in just a few weeks (!!). I'm making time for a nap each day, because, honestly, I start getting dizzy if I neglect that. I'm making time for more shenanigans and am so excited for this to be my final pre-leave project.
I'm making time for holiday celebrations with my family and down time with Tim. I'm hoping that lots of movies are in our last-week-of-the-year future.
Otherwise, I'm not making time for much else. Holiday cards are still in their boxes while the stamps I purchased wait for their turn to be useful. Books are unread. Clothes are unfolded. Cookie jars are unfilled. And that's okay.
While the holidays (and baby incubating) are a natural time for this slowing down, it's all made me realize how much I tend to fill my life with on a day-to-day basis. There's always somewhere to go, someone to email, some task to check off my list. And it never ends, and it's never complete. As soon as I'd get a handle on one thing, 5 more would pop up in its place.
Because that is how I designed my life. Because that is what I invited in. Because to me busy = worthy = effort = love. Without the busy, I wasn't able to consider myself a hard worker, or popular enough, or quite as determined to do this as I wanted (needed?) to be.
Don't get me wrong: so many of these things are pure blessings. I love my family and friends. I adore my clients and am ever-grateful for every business opportunity I've had. I cherish the opportunities I have to connect with awesome people every single day. But I also trust that slowing down won't hurt any of this.
Slowing down doesn't mean giving up or neglecting the things that I treasure. It means being more present, more able to relish it all, more adept at soaking it all up. And that's what I'm after.
So this is me now: I'm slowing down, both right now, but also down the road, once the babies are here and beyond. It will be a challenge, but I also suspect that it might just be the smartest decision I've ever made.
What are you after right now? How do you combat the busy in your life?
**photo and graphic by Erin Cassidy for Tiffany Han Coaching