friday's confession: I don't want to have it all.

I don't want to have it all

I have a dear friend who has a thriving career, a beautiful, popular blog, a happy marriage, a bustling social life, and a soon-to-be amazing business.

She travels, she brunches, she makes shit happen. And she’s expecting her first baby this fall.

From the outside looking in, it’s easy for me to think, “Oh she has it all.” and feel less than in comparison.

It’s easy to watch her enjoy the moments of her life and forget that I’m also enjoying the moments of mine, as quiet and still as they may seem in comparison.

It’s easy to put pressure on myself and my family to go, do, be; to catch up, to stay in line, to busy myself so that I feel like I too have it all.

But what if the life that works for my friend doesn’t work for me?

What if I know myself well enough to know that I need the comfort of stillness to make anything happen for myself?

What if I’m content staying quiet, staying in, and, subsequently, staying sane?

As women, we are constantly told we should want to have it all - the happy marriage, the happy kids, the happy house, the happy boss, the happy friends. Oh, and don’t forget to make time for Y-O-U!

As entrepreneurs, we are constantly told we should want to have it all - the full client roster, the speaking gig lineup, the book deals, and the sold-out workshops around the world.

As people, we are constantly told we should want to have it all - the spiritual awareness, the physical well-being, the 9 hours of sleep, the 8 glasses of water, and the 3 servings of leafy greens.

And please be sure to smile for the camera, write a quippy caption, and document every step of the way on social media so that no one misses out.

Oh yeah, make sure you also make time to follow and like and comment on what everyone else is doing too, because, you’d hate to be anti-social.


Here’s what I know about myself: I don’t want to have it all. I don’t want my business to consume my life. Nor do I want my friends or my children or my Pilates or my green smoothies to either.

I want my business, my family, my relationships, and my hobbies to enhance my life.

I want to work 3-4 days each week and make enough money to support myself and my family.

I want to speak at conferences because I know that I have things to say and love connecting with people.

I want to publish my words because I love writing about things that I think the world needs to hear.

But I don’t have to do it all. I don’t have to do all of that AND blog about my outfits AND make my own baby food AND all of the rest.

When we view our lives in comparison with everyone else, we will never do enough or have enough or be enough. Ever. 

I get to determine what the value of my own life is. For myself. Just as you get to determine what the value of your life is.

You get to decide what works best for you.

You get to be in charge and run the show. Of your own life.

You get to set the standards for yourself.

You get to define what your own have it all really is and then live towards that.

Even if it doesn't look like anyone else's in this world.

And whatever you determine doesn't negate the value of anyone else's life, just as what I determine doesn’t negate the value of my friend’s. Just as the life she determines for herself doesn’t negate the value of mine.

It’s not a competition. You only have to answer to yourself. (Tweet this)

It’s time we started living as such.

*photo by me; graphic by Erin Cassidy for Tiffany Han Coaching