on not powering through
My computer has a fatal flaw.
It's not dead per se, but it's certainly on a slow crawl towards certain demise kind of course. And it's stopped working.
I knew something was wrong last week. I kept getting the spinning wheel. It didn't feel *right* but I kept going. Powering through, just trying to get one more thing done.
Until it just stopped. To the point that when I kept trying to power through, I was met with nothing, leading me to somuch frustration.
Which led me to realize, after hours of trying so hard to make it work, that I had to get help, that fixing it was beyond me. That I couldn't just make it work.
Fast forward a couple of days:
Now it's Saturday. The computer needs a new hard drive. I've been fortunate enough to have a good friend offer to help me with the repair and to be able to borrow a computer from my mom to work on until it's fixed. The Japan earthquake disaster has also put things into perspective.
I'm grateful that a broken computer is my major problem of the moment. I'm grateful that I have a computer that can break, or actual work that I need the computer to do. I'm grateful that I can see beyond my own mundane problems to know there are much different things going on in this world, things that people are living that I can barely wrap my brain around to even begin to understand what that would be like.
On Saturday, though, the things that were going on with the computer started happening to my body.
I started feeling a little slow, a bit sluggish.
I powered through.
I started feeling like I wasn't sick per se, but that something wasn't right.
I powered through. And then I really did get sick.
Then I woke up this morning, ready to power through and I knew that I just couldn't do it. I couldn't just keep pushing myself until I completely crashed. I couldn't just ignore the spinning wheel and say, oh, it's fine. Just let me do this one last thing.
So, I stopped. Today I stopped powering through and I'm okay with that.
Lessons, friends, it's like the world is always teaching us lessons -- we just have to be able to see them.